practical/impractical

Schrödinger's cat: not dead yet!

Both of my regular readers will be familiar with Schrödinger's Cat, a gedankenexperiment derived from the Copenhagen Interpretation of quantum mechanics.  (Everyone else can hit the Wikipedia article; I'll wait.)

In short, there's this cat in a sealed box.  There's a containier of poison in the box with it.  Some quantum-derived event { causes | fails to cause } the container to open, thus { killing | not killing } the cat.

People who know cats well know that the cat will be curious about the poison container long before the quantum event happens, thus dying by accidental suicide.

Apparently this has not yet happened.  Despite having been locked in a sealed box with a vial of poison since 1935, this cat has not yet died.  The poison hasn't killed it.  Old age hasn't killed it.  Boredom hasn't killed it.  Sheer choler at having been locked in a box for 78 years hasn't even killed it.

I have proof.

In the November 1 issue of Science, appears an article titled, "Deterministically Encoding Quantum Information Using 100-Photon Schrödinger Cat States."

You just can't do that with a dead cat.  Ergo, the indeterminate state of Schrödinger's cat continues to this day.  (Or at least until November 1st...)

MEOW! 

Why I (kind of) like perl

People familiar with my career in "High-Tech" know that I am today a dinosaur.  That is, I'm still smarter than all the whippersnappers out there cranking out the code, I just don't know what they do.  Most of my perl code is of the perl4 variety.  Object-oriented programming gives me the hives and, therefore, so does perl5.

Nonetheless, it's hard to find a language that lets you write the following line of code:

$STORY = 
	$In . $a_location_like[$a] . $this_location[$b] . $a_young
	    . $protagonist[$c] . $stumbles_across_a . $discovery[$d]
	    . $which_spurs_him_into_conflict_with_an . $adversary[$e]
	    . $with_the_help_of_an . $assistant[$f] . $and_her
	    . $technology[$g] . $culminating_in . $a_conflict[$h];

Why would I do this? I blame David Malki!

(Get the rest of the story)

A letter to my congressman

8 July 2013

Adam Smith
United States House of Representatives
2264 Rayburn Office Building
Washington, DC 20515 

Dear Representative Smith--

On the morning of July 4th, while I was putting up the flag in front of my home, I paused a moment to reflect on the state of our nation's democracy, and the state of the people's freedoms within that democracy.

I immediately thought of Edward Snowden, currently a fugitive from our government, accused of divulging classified information to a foreign newspaper.  It is not my intent to defend Mr. Snowden here.  The unauthorized release of classified information is a criminal act, and Mr. Snowden should defend his actions in a open court of law.

Regardless of what laws Mr. Snowden violated by releasing it (or what laws I have broken by receiving it) I am in possession of a copy of a court order, docket number BR 13-80, issued by Judge Roger Vinson, then of the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Court.  This order is classified Top Secret, Special Intelligence Material, No Foreign Release.

This order, the application for which Judge Vinson determined "satisfies the requirements of 50 U.S.C. § 1861," requires Verizon Business Services--to whose wireless telephony services I subscribe--to produce to the National Security Agency (NSA) "all call detail records … created by Verizon for communications … wholly within the United States including local telephone calls,"  among other things. (Emphasis mine.)

I then looked up 50 U.S.C. § 1861.  § 1861(a)(1) says, in part:

the Director of the Federal Bureau of Investigation or a designee of the Director … may make an application for an order requiring the production of any tangible things (including books, records, papers, documents, and other items) for an investigation to obtain foreign intelligence information not concerning a United States person or to protect against international terrorism or clandestine intelligence activities … 

I am a "United States person," and I regularly use my Verizon wireless telephone to converse with other United States persons.  It follows that the collection of my call records is intended to protect our nation against terrorism or foreign espionage.

Taken to the extreme, the chain of logic also suggests that I, Christopher J. Osburn of Seattle, Washington, am a suspect or person of interest in a program of terrorism or foreign espionage.

As is every single one of Verizon's wireless subscribers.

Ridiculous.

An alternative view is that the application for this court order does not in fact satisfy § 1861, that the order was issued unlawfully by a federal judge who, before being seated, swore an oath to support and defend the Constitution and the laws of the United States.

Since Verizon is one of our country's largest wireless service providers, over one hundred million people fall into the ambit of this warrant.  The notion that the government has probable cause for a warrant covering the call data of all these people is likewise ridiculous.  Not only is the warrant unlawful, but its generality is a flagrant violation of the Fourth Amendment of the United States Constitution.

The very fact that a law enforcement agency can apply for such a warrant, have it granted, and have the entire proceeding classified top secret answers immediately my reflections upon the state of our democracy and our freedoms.

The answer is that they no longer exist.  That the United States of America is a police state in fact, that none of us are safe in our homes from intrusive law enforcement, that a certain amount of "freedom activity," such as street protests, the appearance of a free press, and the apparent right to petition for redress of grievances, is tolerated to prevent the general populace from engaging in a second American Revolution, as unlawful and treasonous as the Revolution we celebrate every year on July 4th.

Or, put another way, government "of the people, by the people, for the people" has perished from the earth.

The oath that Judge Vinson swore upon being seated on the federal bench is more than a formality.  It is, in a very real sense, his statement that he has pledged "his life, his fortune, and his sacred honor" to protect and defend the Constitution.  I was privileged to swear that oath in 1981 when I enlisted in our nation's armed forces, and you swore that same oath when you took your seat in the House of Representatives.

And by my oath, I call upon your oath, to take every action necessary to abate this and other threats to our democracy and freedom, secret and malicious as they are, to act strongly to return openness and transparency to our government, and to secure liberty and freedom for all.

Right or wrong, Edward Snowden has pledged his life, fortune, and sacred honor.  We can do no less.

Sincerely,

 

Christopher J. Osburn

 

 

Dear Netflix

To:  Netflix Investor Relations
From:  Me.

Today I received a popunder ad for Netflix, even though my browser has the "no popup" feature engaged.  I don't know how you manage this, but it doesn't matter.

What does matter is that a successful, progressive company such as yours has to use popunder ads to get its message across.  Do you want to be lumped in with classmates.com and the other get-rich-quick spam-du-jour sites on the internet?

Your use of popunder ads identifies you as a company unworthy of investing in and unworthy of being a customer of.  Several million of my closest friends disagree with me, of course, and I don't expect any change on your part for my plaint.

Be aware, however, that I will not become a Netflix investor or customer until such time as one year has passed without seeing a popup ad.

Like I said, I don't expect you to change your business practice for me.  On the other hand, it's only fair for me to tell you why I'm avoiding you.

Best regards,
Chris Osburn

Happy Washington's Birthday!

According to Title 5 United States Code section 6103(a) the holiday that happens on the third Monday of February is called "Washington's Birthday."

Please forward all defective calendars to your elected representatives for correction and disposal.

Also, I wouldn't be surprised if all "President's Day" sales were illegal.  In that case, please forward any money saved to the Internal Revenue Service.  Better to be safe than sorry!

Speaking of being better safe, you might want to stop by your workplace today.  You could get fired for taking a day off on a holiday that doesn't exist!

This is really starting to sound like a conspiracy, isn't it?  if so, please contact your local civil defense authority for a tinfoil hat.

Thank you, and remember:  The cooperation of our citizens is exacted with the heartfelt gratitude of a loving Government.

 

Marijuana is Poison

Yes, it's true.  Marijuana is poison.

Oh, not literally.  I know that marijuana has many medical benefits and I would never deny anyone who needs it the use of it.

No, it's a social poison.

I'm a bus driver and I'm subject to random drug testing.  Marijuana stays in the system for six weeks after use and, since I never know when the drug test will occur, I need to stay away from it.

Lame, yes.

(Personally, I don't like it and I don't like the way it makes me feel.  I'm sure I'll change my opinion when I get terminal cancer, of course....)

Recently, I was at a party.  Things were going fine.  Then one of the guests broke out a joint.

Not the hostess.  A guest.

It's possible that the guest was invited to bring some happy weed.  I don't know.  I'm pretty sure the hostess wasn't a regular pot smoker.  It seemed that, since this was an outdoor party, smoking materials were implicitly permitted.

I left.  It's not so much that I like my job, it's that when I do get fired, I want to get fired for the right reasons.

So.  Marijuana is a social poison.  It made me leave a party (and a hostess) that I very much wanted to be with.

And besides, why the hell did the person with the joint feel free to light up?  It wasn't his home.  It wasn't his party.  Why did he do this?

And why do we have a culture where this seemingly innocent act has such tragic repurcussions?

Marijuana legalization will only make this worse.  It will soon become a choice between walking on the street in public places and losing my job.

So.  Marijuana is poison.  It's killing me.

SITE CLOSURE

FROM 0500 UTC WEDNESDAY 18 JANUARY 2012 to 0500 UTC THURSDAY 19 JANUARY 2012 THIS WEB PAGE IS CLOSED.  PLEASE CLOSE YOUR BROWSER AT THIS TIME.

I don't know how to actually close this page and I doubt there are more than three people who would notice anyway.  Nevertheless, this page will be closed and you may not read it.

This page is closed to protest the Stop Online Piracy Act (SOPA) in the U.S. House of Representatives, and the PROTECT IP Act (PIPA) in the U.S. Senate.  These bills seek only to turn control of the internet to Hollywood interests in blatant violation of the First Amendment of the United States Constitution and this blog will not stand for it.

Do not complain to me about this blog's closure.  Please alert your elected representatives at all levels of government that internet censorship is preventing you from accessing the content you wish to access.  Do it now, and in 24 hours, you may return to this blog.

But for now, this page is closed.

Move along.

BAR TV

Not to say that I hang out in a lot of bars or anything, but I get around.  These seem to be the trends in BAR TV:

1. Always play sports programming.  Only sports programming.
2. Leave the sound off.  We don't need commentary, we have the other people at the bar to provide what's needed.
3. When in Seattle, there must be soccer.  In your hometown, your mileage may vary.
4. If there is no game available, there are always reruns of classic matches, especially on the Fox Soccer Network.
5. Failing that, we can watch Sports Recaps and Commentary on any of three ESPN channels
6. Never, ever forget that ESPN means "Entertainment and Sports Programming Network."  Really.
7. During sports commentary, leave the sound off.  Those guys have IQs that are in inverse proportion to the cost of their suits.
8. Never, EVER, run closed captioning.
9. Remember, we MUST have sports programming, even when that means sitting at a bar reading the lips of stuffed suits on a sports programming channel.
10. Also, that is not pointless.

There ya go!  So, if you ever get the urge to run CNN with the captions on, now you know better.  

CO149's Fundamental Dicta

Originally posted in a completely obscure location but that doesn't mean it's not important (IMNSHO).  So, reposting:

CO149's Fundamental Dicta ^TM

CO149's Fundamental Dictum Number One TM
The packet has to know how to get back, too.

CO149's Corollary Dictum Number 1.1 ^TM
All the boxes on the same wire have to have the same ideas about routing.

CO149's Fundamental Dictum Number Two TM
The network has a middle.

CO149's Illuminative Dictum Number 2.1 ^TM
The network's middle is bigger than your middle.

Senator Stevens' Fundamental Illustrative Utterance Number 2.2^TM
The network is not a big truck. It's a series of tubes.

CO149's Fundamental Dictum Number Three TM
The network you are using is experimental technology and always will be.

CO149's Corollary Dictum Number 3.1 ^TM
Legacy equipment belongs in a museum.

CO149's Fundamental Dictum Number Four TM
The network is operated by people.

CO149's Sage Advice Number 4.1 ^TM
Never, ever mess with the servers on a Friday. Just quietly catch up on paperwork and go home early.

CO149's Fundamental Dictum Number Five TM
The network is constructed of physical components.

CO149's Sudden Realization Number 5.1 ^TM
There is more than one cloud.

Wall Street Protests and the Fate of our Country

Currently, there are a lot of smelly, pissed-off people in Seattle's Westlake Park, and many other central plazas throughout the nation.  They are protesting the state of the economy, the concentration of capital, the tax system, the war, police brutality, and each other's body odor.

The media and the pundits decry the fact that these poor souls can't get it together, can't define a "narrow message," can't elect eloquent spokesmen and, apparently, can't protest in polo shirts instead of funny little hemp dreadlock containers.

Well, here's one narrow message that forms a common thread throughout:  Control.

Adlai Stevenson, who lost to Dwight Eisenhower in 1952, once said, "In America, anyone can become president. That's one of the risks you take."

Sixty years later, that risk is gone.  If you want to be president in the 21st century, you have to be a native-born citizen, 35 years of age, 14 years resident in the US, and have one billion dollars cash in your pocket.

Money talks, you see.  And hippies walk.

Used to be we were all created equal.  But a series of court decisions from 1886 to the present day have strengthened the rights of large piles of money to take part in American political discourse, to the detriment of the individual trying to do the same.

I speak, of course, of corporate personhood:  the idea that a large, organized pile of money, immortal, immune from arrest or execution, and perhaps even an entity of a foreign country, has the same constitutional rights as, well, as me.  And you.  And those smelly kids in the park downtown.

So, not only does 1% of the population have all the money, that 1% has the voice.

And that's what the real issue is.  Well, almost.

History has shown that, time and again, you can take the voice from a group of people in order that your voice be made louder, in order that you may seize control of the body politic for your personal gain.  Or, in this case, so that a large pile of money can hold political power as well as economic power.

Sooner or later, though, those silenced mouths start feeling a hunger, a hunger to speak, a hunger to have control over their own lives and their own fates.

These are the voices of those "99%" who have no control over their future, their country's future, or even the source of their next meal.  The 99% that the big piles of money don't care about.

No one has figured this out yet, but they also speak for the remaining humanity of the "1%" who think they control those big piles of money.  Their economic freedom is an illusion.  They are the slaves of those big piles of money.  Unwitting but willing, wearing golden collars handcuffs, and blinded by their comfort, they have it worse than the rest of us.  The big piles of money are throwing their slaves under the bus in an act of self preservation.

So, I humbly submit my version of the narrow message:  Dear Bankers -- give us back control of our country so that we can break our chains.  And yours, too.